Gooseberried

Not just dating

My boyfriend is an adorable peach and he's also...my hat twin!

The other night while snuggling:

6-6:  You smell like jam.

I really am a girl

Lately I've had very strong feelings for my boyfriend of 6 months, 6-6.  There are just moments when I look at him and want to squeeze his face off because I think he's so adorable.  During these moments, other thoughts swim through my head.  I think about how awesome he is, how talented he is, what a great person he is and in times like these, I don't know what to say.  So usually, I'm caught gazing at him looking like I'm highly sedated.  When he catches me in these moments, in these stares, he, like any other normal human being, looks back and me and says, "What?"  And my only response has been, "I like you a lot."  Then he smiles at me and says he likes me a lot too and that I make him really happy. 

This is all fine and dandy except that I know it is more than that.  I now know that I love this guy and I want nothing more than to tell him that.  In other words, I want badly to take my verbal expressions to the next level.  Instead of saying, "You're the jam," I want to say, "6-6, I love you."  But I am a silly girl and won't dare say those words before he does one, because I don't want to freak him the hell out and two, it would hurt too much if he didn't say it back to me. 

So, I'm waiting patiently for him to one day say it to me and in the meantime I've realized that because of this new development, I really am a girl.  I love a guy.  I think he's the jam and I quite possibly, want to be with him forever.  Or at least, for as long as I can hold on to him.

Sorry for making you all gag. 

My hot boyfriend

Simply put.

P.S.  He's actually a drummer.  A good one.  But right now, he's learning himself to play guitar. 

I feel it

A text from 6-6 today-

"My heart is opening up to you more and more..."

You need to know that this is 6-6's little way of pretty much telling me he loves me. 

I hope I always remember this feeling. 

Off with me

Today after I get off work, and yes I’m blogging while I’m at my new job as of a week ago thankyouverymuch, 6-6 and I are headed to Heber. In case you don’t know, Heber is the very small Mormon town I’m from and is also where my parents live. We’ll be staying with my parents and that means 6-6 will be meeting them for the first time.

Nervous?

To say the least.

It’s been a while since I’ve introduced a boyfriend to my parents. In fact, it’s been three years. While I am very excited about going home and showing him where I grew up, on the other hand, I’m driving myself crazy with anxiety. I keep thinking to myself, what if my parents say something to embarrass me? What if my mom and I get into an argument in front of him? What if they start talking about private things that they think 6-6 probably already knows about but actually doesn’t because I didn’t want to tell him? To be honest, I don’t know of anything that fits into this category off the top of my head but in that respect, what if 6-6 starts rambling about private things I don’t want my parents to know about? Now that list is quite significant.

So while I pull my hair out of my head and hope that a bottle of rum will magically appear to keep me calm, you all enjoy your weekends.

I’ll be back on Sunday.

That's why I got a heater for your thighs

One thing I've always liked about having 6-6 as my boyfriend is how he introduces me to new bands I've never heard or either heard of but never took the time out of my day to look them up.  A month ago, he made me listen to this song and told me that I would like it.  Upon first listen, I really did.  It reminded me of a more hard core song from a musical. 

But then we watched the video and realized what the song is actually about. 

And realized that we must be major sickos.  Or going to hell.

Crystal clear

I guess I've been kind of confusing.  It seems that, from some of your comments, mine and 6-6's relationship status has been a bit of a blur.  Or maybe it hasn't and I'm just interpreting things wrongly. Either way, just to clarify, we are in a relationship.  We established that about two months ago.  And since then we've been hanging out just about every day.  I'm weirded out by the fact that we haven't gotten sick of each other yet, but I'm trying to let go of that and just enjoy our love sick, cloud 9 stage.  *See page banner*

So anyway, there are tons of other things going on in my life too like my living situation, my friend Molly's return from Spain, training, Bowie, work, etc and I'll be sure to get on all of that soon as I'm sure you're all getting sick of hearing about 6-6.

There ya have it. 

Massachusetts

Lately, 6-6 has been talking about how excited he is to go home and spend Thanksgiving with his family in his home town in Massachusetts.  He's so happy about it because he hardly ever goes home since he's been going to school in Arizona.  Plus, this summer he's decided to stay here in Flagstaff instead of spending it at home like he normally does.  Needless to say, he's been a tad homesick.  After meeting his awesome parents, I can understand why. 

For as long as I've known him, 6-6 and I have discussed how cool it would be for me to visit him while he's there and see what it was like for him growing up.  This discussion occurred when we were just friends.  Now, we're dating and I've begun to wonder if the invitation is still open.  So, the other day when he was gleefully talking about it I, half-jokingly said, "Well that will be perfect!  Since you'll be there for eight days, I can visit my good blogger friend, Susie, in Boston and then take a train right on over to your neck of the woods for a few days too!"

His reaction was a slight smile and a quick change of subject. 

A week later, I brought it up again after he again mentioned going home in November.  "So, that means I'll finally get to meet your friend (insert name)!"

"I'm trying to interpret just how serious you are."

"Oh, I'm completely serious!  We've always talked about how cool it would be for me to see that side of your life and this is pretty much the only chance we'll get until you move back there."

"Well, then why don't you just visit then?"

"Because it'll be totally different.  You'll be living there and that's how I would be as a visitor- a visitor of where you currently live.  That's not the same as visiting and learning about where you used to live.  By then you'll have all new friends and things to show me."

"Yeah, that's true."

His lack of enthusiasm about it made me sad.  Especially since I was so excited about taking him to Heber this summer which we already had planned to do in July.  But now I wasn't so excited about it and it made me question whether or not I should take him to see my hometown when he was so unwilling to share that same experience with me.  I know I shouldn't be selfish, but I just couldn't help thinking to myself, why should I do this when he wouldn't extent the same courtesy for me?  I guess what I'm trying to say is, I will not be out there on that limb by myself. 

Then I read a post on chickbug about the different "stages" of a relationship.  She was saying that her personal time line for introducing the boy to the parents is once he declares his love for her.  And that's when things became too hard for me to handle.  In love?  I'm not in love yet, although I know I'm getting there.  And while I'm not as old fashioned as chickbug, the concept does make sense.  So, there I was over-analyzing everything in my head as usual, because I'm a masochist. 

That's when I figured it was time to bring out the big guns- my mom.  I explained to her my dilemma and told her that now I didn't know if I wanted to bring him home or not.  She told me that obviously having him meet my parents and coming home was very important to me and that while she and my dad are more than happy to have him visit, it was ultimately up to me to decide.  She told me to give it some time and it would come to me.

So, I did what she said.  I let it go for a while which I, Michelle Toth, am hardly ever able to do.  Because I like to be in constant misery.

This past Sunday, 6-6 came back to Flagstaff from a wedding he was a part of in Phoenix for the weekend.  I hadn't seen him in three days and honestly, the break was nice. 

6-6:  I've been thinking.

Me:  OK?

6-6:  I think it would be cool for you to come to Massachusetts with me in November.

Me:  Really?  What made you change your mind?

6-6:  Well, because you're right.  I always have wanted you to see what it was like for me growing up there and I think that if everything is still going well with us by then, that will be the perfect time to show you.

Me:  Well...thanks for the invite!  I really appreciate it.

6-6:  So, you gonna come?

Me:  We'll see! 

:)

Sometimes things are on my mind

I'm the kind of person who knows exactly how I feel.  When I'm mad, I know it and every one else is going to know it too.  When I'm sad, I not only know it, I feel it very deep within.  I'm a girl that is very aware of her feelings.

The other night while playing Mario Kart Double Dash, which I am getting very good at, and while getting extremely drunk on red wine, 6-6 brought up the topic of marriage.  And now I'm...something.  Cannot locate exact feeling. 

Yes, I want to get married one day probably about four years from now or more, so dating someone for a steady two months does not seem like an appropriate time to even be thinking about marriage, let alone bringing it into conversation.  And I wasn't thinking about it.  But now I'm thinking about it.  And I don't want to think about it.  And it's all 6-6's fault. 

Drunken babbling 6-6 mentioned that it seems like we are each other's ladders, climbing our way up to our final destinations- our roofs. 

Huh?

What I gather, after much clarification and explanation, this means that the person we end up marrying is our roof- our one true love.  6-6 and I, according to him, are each other's ladders, there to push each other up to whoever ends up being our roof which, he explained, is not each other.  In my head, this means that I am the means to an end- a girl he's in a relationship with until he may or may not meet his roof.

Frankly, I don't like this analogy or conclusion at all.  I'm not saying I know for sure that I want to marry 6-6.  I honestly have no idea who I'll end up marrying.  But I do know that I do not consider 6-6 to be some guy that will eventually help me to discover the actual person I want to marry.  While this might be correct (I've dated guys who helped me learn that I don't want my future husband to have certain characteristics or definitely have others) I don't want to be so negative about the present.  I mean, what's the point?

If 6-6 thinks we'll never get married, why be together?  Am I being too much of a girl about this, or could you be in a relationship with someone that doesn't see it really going anywhere?

Side note:  When asked about why he doesn't see us getting married, 6-6 explained that it couldn't possibly work when in May 2009 he intends to move back to Massachusetts and I intend to move somewhere which will most likely not be Massachusetts and we both don't want to be in a long distance relationship.  Well yes, I see this point of view, but he could of course realize that people's minds could change especially when things are going really well!  Not that I would ever tell him this. 

Another side note:  I don't have the Internet in my new apartment yet.  In fact, I've been so busy that my computer isn't even hooked up.  I've been using the Internet in my office which explains why I haven't been updating as much and also why there hasn't been any new pictures added either.  Please be patient.  One day I will be back to my normal routine.       

The only time I can be thankful for a stalker

There's a creepy guy I know that I met at a party last summer when I was hanging out a lot with my hardcore friends, the kids that dress in all black, have at least five piercings and listen to thrash music.  I didn't fit in, but for some reason they all liked me and they sure knew how to have a good time.  The Creeper was dating one of the hardcore girls that would also hang out with us who was also my RA my sophomore year.  He didn't fit in either as he was highly metrosexual and I felt bad for him.  So I went out of my way to make him feel comfortable and this is what I get for being nice.  Since then he's had a creepy crush on me, one where he acts normal in person but then does weird shit on myspace and text messaging. 

A few months ago he texted me:

"I just saw a girl that looks exactly like you."

"OK."

"Yeah, and I'm in Manhattan right now!"

"OK."

"It's not every day you see such a beautiful girl.  ;)"

The text messages like this continued until I got so sick of it, I stopped responding. 

As most of you all know, 6-6 and I have been dating on and off for about a year now and one day I learned that The Creeper knows and is regular friends with 6-6's roommate.  According to 6-6, The Creeper was at their house and approached him.

"Hi, I know your girlfriend, Michelle."

6-6: "OK."

At this time 6-6 was weirded out by this.  He was asking me all sorts of questions like who the heck this guy was and how did he know we were even dating?  I was perplexed as well and eventually blamed it on facebook as 6-6 and I have never really been public about our dating status.  Except on my blog, of course!  The only conclusion I could think of was that he must had seen pictures on facebook and assumed we were together. 

Whatever though, because eventually 6-6 and I fell out and weren't talking to each other.

And now, we've been seeing each other again for a little over a month with all things smooth sailing.  Two weeks into it, the texts from Creeper started up again. 

"How's your boy doing?"

How he knew that I was seeing 6-6 again freaked me out.  Was he stalking me?

Last weekend, I unfortunately ran into Creeper at a local show I intended to write about.  I had no choice but to talk to him and I was dreading it the entire time I saw him approach me.  The conversation started normal: How's work?  What have you been up to lately?  Blah, blah.

And finally, the creepiness started leaking out.

"Where's 6-6?"

"He's not here."

"Well, why isn't he with you?"

"Just because he's my boyfriend doesn't mean we're attached at the hip!  If you must know, he had to work."

At this remark, Creeper said a quite, "oh" and left.  Praise the Lord! 

Later I told the story to 6-6.

"I'm sorry, but I had to use the boyfriend label.  I just can't take this guy's harassment anymore and now I think he'll stop."

"It's OK!  I use the girlfriend label on you all the time.  I hope you don't mind."

:)