Last night while I was taking a shower, I had much difficulty praying. Yes, I pray while I take a shower. I used to attempt praying at night while in bed, but I always ended up falling asleep mid-prayer and then I'd wake up the next morning and feel bad. I mean, if I were having a conversation with one of my friends, how rude would it be if I just fell asleep? I've found that the shower is a place where I can really think, when I really relax, and when I can finally have some quite time to myself.
Oh and yes, I take showers at night. Does anyone else do this? I always feel I'm the odd man out on this one.
Anyway, I just recently made a tribute video to all my friends and also to people who have touched my life in a positive way at one point or another. I posted the video on Facebook and tagged the friends I wanted to see it. I received a lot of responses and comments and likes in return. To those that did respond, it made me feel so content and almost lifted my sometimes totally absent faith in people. And while there were plenty tagged who thanked me and replied with a generous comment, it wash hard to block the negative of the situation out. The negative being, those that did not respond and most likely won't.
I tried not to let it hurt my feelings. I tried to tell myself that of course some people will just not care enough to mention anything and you can't really make a difference in that. I also tried to remind myself that in doing good deeds, you won't always be appreciated for it nor will one care to do good deeds back. But while I kept coaxing myself to let it go and feel content solely with those who did reply, I still couldn't help but feel hurt by those that watched it and went on their merry way. Some people I actually had to physically ask, "Did you see the video?" "Oh yeah, I did."
I was tempted to write a status update saying something like, "OK people, that video took me many hours and frustration to create and I went out of my way to make sure that you saw I was thinking of you while making it. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" But that would make me no better, so I opted out of that decision.
Lately, I've been on a mission to be a better person and in all honesty, I have to give myself props for seeing the light even if it has been a slow process. I've been more forthright and while it hasn't been easy, it's been a great journey. I look forward to pressing on with it as I have much more to work on when it comes to this girl named Michelle. But sometimes, do you ever feel that it's so hard to block out the negativity? I keep trying to think positive about the whole thing, but I've been burdened, I guess, and I suppose I should just face that fact. That is why I say it was hard to pray the other night. I'm pretty cliche in the fact that I have a pretty set list of people I pray for every night. So, can you see how awful it was that some of these people I've been contributing my prayers for didn't even care to just say a simple thank you?
As each hour passes, I feel more better and start to forget about it. Time heals all, right? I know I'll be OK and this isn't the worse thing happening out there. But man, how I wish I could just let this go now.
For better or worse, I've discovered which people in my life actually...care.
