When you're 27 and have no life, you make things as difficult as possible for other people

I like this house.  It has a nice backyard for the dogs, a solarium for the dogs to play in during the day and the perfect amount of space for keeping the things I've obtained over the years.  There are a few disadvantages to this old house we're living in, the worst among them being a certain person that came with it who I used to like, but now despise because his name is Josh and he's a big, fat dirty dick. 

Jenna and I weren't going to live here.  Josh's original offer was a tad expensive and we were set on looking into our cheaper options.  Until one day Josh emailed me and told me that he was willing to offer the place for $400 per month including all utilities and internet.  He was planning on a short vacation and before he left, wanted to get someone in the house so he wouldn't end up paying for the full rent by himself.  Everything was going fine for several months until one day I woke up and discovered our internet to be shut off completely.  We had had some problems with our internet provider in the past, so I called them to see what the problem was.  Turned out, our pathetic roommate Josh was two months late on the bill.  Bear in mind that this guy is 27-years-old. 

I was mad.  The internet is important to me, obviously.  That morning in particular, though, I had a conference call with an advisory board that has been arranged by my blog host, Typepad and Typepad's company, Six Apart.  These conference calls are important to me and all the information was in my email.  I had no way of contacting anyone to let them know I wouldn't be there and I am Michelle- I am all-knowing, hardly late, and not a no show.  Oh, and I pay my bills. 

So, I called Josh. 

"Hey, apparently the internet has been shut off due to lack of payment."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, so can you pay it right now so we can get it turned back on?  I have a conference call I need to be on and all the information is on line."

"I can't pay it right now because I'm busy at work, but I can take care of it later this afternoon."

Might I ask why a 27-year-old guy is late to pay a $45 bill?  Is it because he's irresponsible with his money?  Is it because he's clueless and has no idea what this is doing to his credit despite that he's almost 30?  Is it because he's completely apathetic about his own finances?  Is it because he's a dirty dick?  Or is it because he'll soon be searching for little girls on myspace because that's how pathetic he is?  Or is it because he's simply a lazy-ass bastard who is not only terrible for the economy but should also be shot on site?

Oh right, it's all of the above.  Sorry, I forgot. 

Josh comes home later that day and tells me, "Hey I just had a bunch of medical bills come in and I'm not gonna be able to pay that bill.  You guys can if you want to."

Oh really?  That's funny!  It's funny that he was somehow able to drive all the way up to Vegas on today's gas prices, spend the night in the MGM Grand for what? $189, drink excessively and then drive back home, but can't pay the internet bill.  That entire trip, I might add, was completely by himself.  He didn't meet anyone there and split the cost of the hotel room.  He was there BY. HIMSELF. getting drunk on the strip.  It's funny that he can go snowboarding every weekend for two months without a season pass, but can't pay the internet bill.  It's funny that he can go out drinking every night, but can't pay the internet bill.

I told him that I was upset because this had happened more than once and therefore, he wasn't holding up his side of the offer he extended us.  We had an agreement, and he was flaking out on it. 

Because I'm mad, he wants Jenna and I to move out.  Oh wait, actually it's not because I was mad; it's because he has a small penis and has to make everyone else feel bad about it.  Jenna and I want him to move out.  Both parties refuse.

This could get interesting.

In the meantime...hey Josh?  Do you mind if someone kindly pulls out that foot that's been lodged in your ass crack for the past month or so?  It's rather distracting.